Can i av some flib flobs please?

Have you heard about this?

Torquay are going to start giving out Flip-Flops to girls who are so lashed they can't walk home in their heels.

I can't quite beleive that.

Torquay are going to start giving out Flip-Flops to girls who are so lashed they can't walk home in their heels?

What an awful waste of our money.

I can't wait to see the first You Tube clip of a couple of birds having a fight with them. Flip Flop Slapping! Infact, i think 30 grand is money well spent from that point of view.

What they should have done is spent the money on donkeys with Sat Nav.

You get 500 donkeys that know where they are going. The women wear their postcodes around their wrist, and at the end of the evening the women are put on donkeys and the postcode is typed in, they arrive home, the donkey bucks them off and return to the city centres ready for the next passenger. Much better idea that. Ass Taxis, thats whats needed.

I can see a whole range of night time products.

Next up, free boxing gloves so the chaps don't hurt their fists whilst they scrap.

Ridiculous.

Tiny things this man hates

My dear friend Adam said to be last night 'Look at this blog, it is very funny, you will like it.'

Adam was indeed correct.

I looked at this blog and it is very funny and i did like it.

I especially liked this.

'#0111. THE WAY THE MAN ON THE TRAIN LAST NIGHT HAD TO GET EVERY LAST MORSEL FROM HIS GAY LITTLE TRIFLE.'



You should have a read, you will find something that will make you laugh, perhaps out loud, but not LOL as we don't like LOL, LOL is horrible and should be removed from the earth.

LOL, get lost!

Had a Seizure

This is awesome!

This dude Roger Hiorns created Seizure by pumping 75,000 litres of copper sulphate solution into a south London flat to create crystalline growths on the walls, floor and ceiling, even the bath turned blue.

Imagine getting back from the pub of an evening, perhaps after The Four Pint Club, and finding out that your house has turned into the Bat cave!

Thanks Rog, you are great.

A polite request.

Dear world,

Can you please please please stop wearing your scarf like the above.

It would appear alot of you girls have, well done.

A note to all you boys still doing it. You look stupid, you all look the same, you are not cool.

Thanks in advance.


Richard

Yo whaddup Bangs?

'My desktop is the best top'

Good work Sniper Twins!

Thanks

M.I.A can'ta getta nuff.

I still believe that the use of the gunshot in this track is one of the most creative things i have ever heard.

Better than Elvis, better than The Stones, even better than Candy Flip!

Four Pint Club in full effect!

Lord i was drunk!

And i'd only had 4 pints.

Goody hoody!

Check these out!

Totally awesome jumpers with hoods.

Bluewater will be thrilled and delighted.

Splendid find Kat.

Fingers are good.

Lovells - Skate film from beardlord on Vimeo.

Russell just made a little film for the Bondi Short Film Festival, check it out, nice yeah?

And then check this.

That is well bo!

Ramsey's treat!

Ramsey being caught with his pants down has enabled The Sun to create more magic.

Well done sun.

Where did it all go wrong?

Hungry Horace, where did you go?

Come back.

Drinking 2.0.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have something to share with you, something clever, something now - Say hello to The Four Pint Club.

The Four Pint Club is a new initiative brought to you by Richard Hale of Surbiton 'Britain's Negative Equity Hot spot'.

The Four Pint Club is an alternative to going out and getting cocked.

Think of it as the posh Brother, where you simply meet friends and enjoy 4 pints of fine ale before adjourning to your homestead.

It is all about appreciating beer, not just dropping it down your neck because you can, and because of The Four Pint Club, you will have a massive urge not to purchase a shit kebab on the way home.

And, it comes with a 'guaranteed' no hangover policy.*

So ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Four Pint Club.

Come in, have a look around, i can promise you will enjoy it.

Shall we go to The Four Pint Club tonight chaps, yes, i'll meet you there.

*Should you experience a hangover after The Four Pint Club, you are a right girl and should probably consider joining The Two Pint Club. (said really fast like in them American ads)

Britneil Spears.

'Mother kills son in gag gone wrong shocker'

Total Rubbish!

Second best again!

Only last month i was telling you all how a site i did got a Campagin Big Award.

Well, its gone and got some more 'Silver'ware.

And check out this lady! She is right Ocsar!

Try harder Richard, B+.

You are my sunshine.

So there i was, 4.30am Saturday morning, woke up, had a wee, went back to bed, couldn't sleep, got bored, got up, showered, got in car, drove to Brighton, parked car, got blanket, lay on Brighton beach watching the sun come up, sun came up, bacon sarnie and cup of tea, in car, home.

It was just simply delightful.

Go do it next weekend, you will be rewarded.

Story time gone bad!

The internet is generally a brilliant thing.

I like it.

I like it alot.

But, sometimes it is nasty and horrible.

Like now!

You can now read your little ones a bedtime story from a webcam anywhere in the world, or, from your office, because you can't be arsed to get home and see the little ones, because you are lazy, and because work is more important than your kids.

I mean, i'd like nothing more than sitting my kid infront of the computer at bedtime, laptop on bed, that's teaching them good things hey? Books are bad aren't they!? Terrible things! Nasty things!

At this moment, i hate the internet, oh, no, no, like it again now.

Swanning around.

Anyone seen this?

It looks like it would be amazing to immerse yourself in, but not sure it is going to make a good game.

The music and visuals are well dark and sinister, yet the stupid noise the gun makes shooting the paint kind of ruins it.

It's Oman meets Tubby bye-byes.

Rotten Apples.

The studio have had a new delivery of Macintosh computers.

I really love their new honesty policy when it comes to naming their products.

Smoke it!

I wake up in the morning.

Have some breakfast - Bowl of Fruit and Fibre usually.

I have a shower.

Pull on my strides.

Pick up my bag.

Open the door.

Breathe in the beautiful fresh Surrey air. Smile inward and outward.

Start my walk to the station. Still smiling in and out.

Pass the glorious little park full of beautiful trees and plants that smell wonderful.

Walk past the little church.

Then, get stuck behind some dirty chuffing women smoking a fag.

I stop smiling.

I cross the road and avoid her stinking wake.

I walk some more.

Then start smiling again.

So, here is the idea.

Smoking lanes!



On certain roads across the land, smokers have designated areas where they walk if they are smoking, that way us smoker haters don't need to get anywhere close to the stink of death.

I am going to lobby my local MP.

Come on Eddie, get it goin on will ya.

Joey Baggins!

Like well funny yeah.

Thanks

Have you noticed?

I'm not sure if you have, but there are some really good tele advertisements at the moment.

Advertisements that aren't stupid and pointless.

Advertisements that are relevant to the product they are advertising.

For example, the new Argos advertisement is somewhat super.

Have you seen it?

Now isn't that good.

And, whilst you are here, the new 02 advertisement is good too, apart from Bean saying 'pry-or-a-te'.

I am starting to like advertisingment again.

Panpipe down!

I never ever liked Incantation. All that pan pipe nonsense didn't really appeal. And, speaking of Incantation, how can this happen!

Imagine getting tickets to Incantation, nice melodic amazonian panpipe masters, and ending up at Incantation, death metals new breed who enjoy nothing more than 'Christening The Afterbirth'.

Anyway, i was browsing Peter's blog and i saw this.

Isn't it splendid.

Although, i don't like Panpipes and i don't like Apple, so, i really should not like this in anyway, but i do.

Well done everyone.

Well done panpipes.

Well done Apple.

Don't be like that...

...i know it's been a while, I've missed you.

I'm sorry i didn't write, it's just i was enjoying myself away from my desk.

I did have fun, but i know you don't want to hear that, i wasn't here when you needed me.

Anyway, can we get through this? Can we fix the problem? I hope so, because i really like you, i do, honestly.

Look, i even bought you a present.

Isn't it lovely?

His name is Homotrooper, i think he is sweet, like you.

Anyway, i really hope this makes up for me not being here, you know what you mean to me don't you? And i know gifts are a cheap way of saying sorry, so perhaps i should keep Homotrooper.

Without you i am nothing.

Old things and laughing.

I went to Laughter @ Late last night at The Musuem of London.

They are ace events where comedians do their shows amongst the exhibitions at the museum.

It is very super.

I saw Richard Herring do some of his show a couple of months ago, it was jolly good.

Last night tho, it was all about Josie Long.

She is awesome, and only 26!



Go and see her, she is very funny indeed, very natural.

Thanks Josie, thanks alot.

FHMazing!

Check this out!

The front cover of FHM this month has a big boobed lady on it!

- Richard, you need to wise up, FHM always has big boobed birds on the front cover.

Yes yes, but this month, the BBB is sticking out! Like in 3D.

Its brilliant.

Go and have a look down your local WHSmiths.

And, for you information, someone at work purchased it.

Me? Me? I'd never lower myself to buy such tat, although i do love a good tit!

Tiger would!

More Tiger magic!

Is it real?

Awesome work!

'I hate you'

Not necessarily a fan of Jerry Seinfeld, but this is very funny indeed.


Well done everyone involved.

Email is ruining comedy!

First Brand and now Clarkson!

Poor old Beeb is getting a hammering at the moment.

And it is only because now it is so easy to complain.

What ever happened to Points of View where you had to write a letter of worthwhile content, get a stamp, lick an envelope and then walk 3 miles to a Post Box, probably getting attacked on the way their.

Now, as we saw with Brand & Ross, people are online reading about it, quickly opening up their email, typing 'i agree with them' and then pressing send.

Complaining is an art, that you should take time over.

30,000 people didn't complain, they jumped on the brandwagon and just said 'me too'.

'me too'

See how easy it is.

...and i bet they had no idea what they were complaning about.

Rudy leaves!

I love autumn.

Infact I love every season. But, I love autumn.

The frosty mornings.

The cold evenings.

Seeing yourself breathing.

The crisp blue sky.

Kicking your way through piles of burnt orange leaves.

Oh, no no no Richard, not in Surbiton '2nd only to New York as the place to be seen this autumn'.

The council have taken upon themselves to clear up all the leaves more or less as they fall.

Now, I pay my council tax, and am very happy that they are spending money cleaning up where I live, but don't take the leaves.

The place looks odd.

The trees are naked, as are the pavements.

It doesn't feel autumnal.

Will they take the snow in winter, remove the daff's in spring. I can see the sign welcoming you to Surbiton.

'Welcome to Surbiton. Keeping the season a secret'.

Ken from Kingston council, if you are reading this, please stop taking our leaves, they are happy in Surbiton '2nd only to New York as the place to be seen this autumn' keeping hedgehogs warm and dry.

Perhaps leaves are big on the black market and these people are leaf rustlers thieving our quality leaves.

That's me done.

Ze Germans!

What have the Germans ever done for us?

Well it would appear Timo Glock of Lindenfels, Germany moved over so that our dear Lewis Hamilton could win the F1 Championship.

Thanks Timo, you are a very nice German man, although i imagine Felipe (who was incredible gracious in defeat) really wants to duff you up like big style.

I think Timo Should win BBC's Sports Personality of the Year, although i am sure that will go to Zara Phillips again as she is packed full of sports personality.

Yours,

Pessimistic of Surbiton.

Oh yes, and well done Lewis Hamilton, i'm not a fan of F1, but i am a fan of your skills and things.

Bravo.